From If To When
by Katherine Cruz
Summary: Done for a meme challenge on Livejournal - Using songs as inspiration, this series is told in two sets of drabbles and a longer final part. From both POV's. Follows canon up until March 2008 then diverts to AU. Obstacles are made to be overcome. Luke


_From If To When_

_Luke/Noah_

_G - R_

_1._

_(From Yesterday - 30 Seconds to Mars) - PG_

When Luke leaves him finally, it isn't mean or cold. Noah wishes it was.

He isn't surprised by it, either. The signs had all been there. Messages he'd ignored in an attempt not to think about his life without Luke.

What he does think is that the distrust and pain in those hazel eyes would haunt him forever.

Even when it hurts too much that Luke believed the lies Ameera told, when he can't see straight from the tears he refuses to shed, he doesn't blame Luke.

There was nothing he could say to change it.

He manages to keep his hands at his sides when Luke kisses his forehead, whispers "Good-bye," and leaves him at the table.

Noah watches Luke walk away one last time.

_2._

_(The Wizard and I - John Barrowman) - PG_

Noah had grown up believing in magic and fantasy. It was in the movies he watched, the comics he read, and even in the scribbles of ideas he'd write down.

As he'd gotten older, he'd decided that magic wasn't real.

That feelings like he saw onscreen weren't possible in the world he lived in.

The prison he found was his life had no room for desires and wishes.

When he'd finally escaped and found his own version of Oz, he'd felt hope.

And when a pair of hazel eyes met his for the first time, something fluttered inside that he didn't know what to do with.

It felt like he'd found what he had been waiting for.

3.

_(Leave Out All the Rest - Linkin Park) - PG_

When Noah runs into Luke at the hospital three months later, it's like the world tilts on its axis.

"Noah."

Luke's smile is still bright and beautiful.

Noah's stomach does that flip-flop it always did whenever Luke was near.

"Luke."

He thinks his voice sounds normal, but he can't be sure.

"How are you?"

Noah opens his mouth to speak, but the hand that slides over Luke's shoulder stops him.

It's like a punch to his chest, and he chokes back the wheeze that starts to vibrate through him.

He recognizes the face and forces a smile.

"Hi, Roth."

He can feel Luke's eyes on him, but he answers the question and makes small talk. When he can, he excuses himself, finds the nearest bathroom, and throws up his lunch.

4.

_(Girl, you'll be a woman soon - Neil Diamond) - PG_

It was the lies she'd told that had hurt Noah, and yet when she had called him from the hospital, he'd come to see her.

It was the kind of person he was.

"Have you spoken to your father, Noah?"

He stood across the room, face paler than she remembered, eyes worn with exhaustion. At her question, his jaw tensed and he shook his head.

"He told me something you should know."

She understood now the connection she'd felt and hated even more what she had done.

"I'm sorry."

The words would never be enough.

5.

_(Come Together - Joe Cocker) - PG_

When Casey found Noah in Old Town, bags on the bench at his feet, he knew it had all ended.

Badly.

Noah had glanced at him when he'd taken the seat next to him, and Casey shivered at the hollow look in his eyes.

They weren't friends. Not really.

But he understood how it felt when your whole world crumbled.

"You need a place to stay?"

Noah blinked at him.

Casey patted the other boy's shoulder. "Come on."

He stood up and studied Noah's face, registering when he came to his decision.

Noah stood up.

"Thanks, Casey."

"No problem, man."

6.

_(When You Say Nothing At All - Ronan Keating) - R_

Sometimes before he woke up, Noah would forget where he was.

In that place between sleep and awake, he could still feel Luke's hands against his skin. Luke's breath on his face.

He would hear the deep chuckle and it would stir up feelings Noah was trying to bury.

He would remember the silences between them. When their hands and mouths and tongues were the only form of communication. Limbs tangled, fingers clutching at clothes… hair… skin. Whatever was in reach.

How Luke tasted… the feel of him inside Noah's mouth…

When he would open his eyes, he'd remember his world was different now.

7.

_(Now or Never - Josh Groban) - PG_

Noah stared at the far wall.

Chris took the seat next to him. "I'm sorry, Noah."

Noah swallowed against his fear and shook his head. "It's not your fault. It's no one's fault."

The silence was thick, and all Noah wanted was to find Luke. To tell him everything. He wanted to curl up in his lap and let him… take it away. He wanted one night where he didn't hurt.

He sniffed and smiled sadly. "Is it pathetic to die of a broken heart?"

When Noah told Casey he was sick, he let his friend's tears be his own.

_8._

_(Daylight Robbery - Imogen Heap) - G_

It surprised him how much he still felt whenever he saw Luke. It didn't matter if it was on campus, in Old Town, at Java… Oakdale was a small town.

It got Noah every time.

Most days, Luke was with friends, but on the rare occasion he was alone, Noah would hide in the shadows and watch him.

Sometimes, Luke would look around him, like he felt Noah's presence.

That would soothe the ache that lived inside Noah.

Because no matter what he did, he still felt Luke everywhere he went.

Casey would try to convince him to talk to Luke… to tell him.

Noah never responded.

9.

_(Closer - Josh Radin) - PG_

The second person Noah told he was sick had been his mother.

He'd visited her grave one day not long after Chris' diagnosis.

Lying in the grass, he'd spoken quietly to the headstone with her name on it.

He'd told her how he dreamed of being a director. That he had held out the slimmest hope his father would love him. How great the Hughes had been to him.

He talked about Luke until he lost his voice.

When he was done, he'd kissed the cold marble, whispered "See you, Mom," and walked to his truck in the dawning twilight.

10.

_(This Is How I Disappear - My Chemical Romance) - PG_

When Luke showed up at Noah's door, despair written on his face, it took everything in Noah not to break.

"Is it true?"

He could have lied.

It would have been better for them both.

But he was already disappearing.

And Luke knew that.

It was in his eyes.

So, Noah nodded, and confirmed the truth.

"Yes, it is."

Luke's face had crumbled, and then Noah staggered back when Luke's arms circled his neck. He bit against the bubble of emotion that wanted to escape.

He couldn't hurt him anymore.


End file.
